Navigating the Monkey's Storm

Duration: unstated due to concerns of rejection Materials: Your previous exercise results, notebook, favourite pen

Time to face that pesky FOMO monkey that's been picking your Monkey's pocket faster than a professional pickpocket at a packed train station.

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Take a week (yes, a whole week, don't give me that look) and keep track of every time the FOMO monkey makes an appearance. If, after a day, you’ve already used up the ten slots below, you're definitely wasting far too much of your Monkey’s here.

• Times you check social media because you're worried about missing something.
• Events you've agreed to attend despite secretly hoping they'll be cancelled.

For each FOMO act that comes your way, ask yourself these questions:

1. Using the now familiar Monkey’s-Worthy Scale, you should grade each FOMO act from "Prime Monkey's-Worthy to Not Worth a Monkey's Uncle". How much do you actually want to do this thing?
2. If nobody would ever know you missed it (imagine a social media blackout, the horror), would you still go?
3. What's your real motivation here? Is it:
   • Genuine interest
   • Fear of being left out of the office gossip
   • Worry that your social life looks less exciting than a wet weekend in Skegness
   • Actually wanting to be there

After each event you said yes to, rate it honestly:

• How many Monkey's Credits did it cost you? (Count the preparation time, the event itself, and the recovery period when you're lying on the sofa wondering why you went)
• What could you have done instead with those Monkey's Credits? (Be specific - "having a nice cuppa and reading that book that's been gathering dust" is a perfectly valid alternative)
• Did the experience add anything to your life beyond social media content?

The FOMO monkey's Favourite Haunts

For one week, keep track of:

• Times you've checked social media because you're worried about missing something
• Events you've agreed to attend despite secretly hoping they'll be cancelled
• Moments you've felt guilty about staying in with a cuppa instead of "living your best life"
• Times you've apologised for not being somewhere (bonus points if you were actually quite happy not being there)

Now for the fun part. Create your "Actually Want To Do This" list:

• Go back through Exercises 6 to 9 to discover what you have consistently said is important to you, and begin to change your FOMO focus onto these.
• Use activities that leave you feeling energised rather than drained
• Connect more with the people whose company doesn't require you to recover afterwards

Compare these with your FOMO-driven acts. The difference should be more obvious than the gap between proper tea and whatever they serve at motorway services.

FOMO is like British weather – it might feel like it's going to last forever, but it'll pass eventually. And just like British weather, it's better handled with a good umbrella (of boundaries) and a hot cup of tea.

I've done this one

Duration: 30-45 minutes Materials: Your previous exercise results, notebook, favourite pen

Time to figure out how many of your precious Monkey's Credits you're spending trying to keep up with trends that have the lifespan of a mayfly with an urgent appointment.

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Think back over the past year or so. Write down every trend you've jumped on, whether it's:

• That crop top phase during winter (because hypothermia is apparently fashionable).
• The time you tried to become a TikTok star (your cat still hasn't forgiven you)
• When you converted your shed into a home gym (now a very expensive storage unit).
• That brief period when you were convinced you'd become a cryptocurrency millionaire.

For each trend, note down:

1. How much did it cost you in:
   • Actual money (be brave, look at those receipts)
   • Time (including YouTube tutorials and Instagram research)
   • Dignity (on a scale of "slightly embarrassing" to "let's never speak of this again")
2. How long did you stick with it?
   • Longer than a cup of tea stays hot
   • About as long as your New Year's resolutions
   • Still gathering dust in the corner
3. Was it worth the Monkey's Credits spent?
   • Did it bring any lasting joy?
   • Did it teach you anything (besides "maybe don't do this again")?
   • Would you still be doing it if nobody else were watching?

The Trend Temperature Check

Look at your current trend of involvement. For each one you're currently pursuing, ask yourself:

Are you doing this because:

• You genuinely enjoy it
• Everyone else is doing it
• You're afraid of looking outdated
• You've invested too much to quit now

Rate each trend on the Official Monkey's Worthy Scale:

Let’s look at them a little deeper. For each entry, you can continue with the linking number to stop the need for extra work, coz who needs that?

• How many Monkey's Credits will this trend cost?
• Could these Credits be better spent elsewhere?
• Will future you thank present you for this decision?
• Would you do this if you couldn't post about it?
• Does it align with any of your actual interests?
• Is it something you'll have to explain (or apologise for) in photos five years from now?

Your Personal Trend Manifesto

Based on your findings, write your own trend-following rules. For example:

• "I will wait one month before adopting any trend that costs more than a decent takeaway"
• "If it requires buying special equipment that can't be used for anything else, it's a no"
• "Any trend that makes my cat look at me with more judgment than usual is automatically out"

The Emergency Trend Response Kit

Keep these handy excuses ready for when peer pressure strikes:

• "I'm still doing research" (aka waiting to see if this trend lasts longer than a British summer)
• "I'm focusing on other priorities right now" (like maintaining my dignity)
• "I'm taking a mindful approach to new trends" (code for: not a chance)

The Follow-Up

After completing this exercise, make a pact with yourself:

• Unsubscribe from anything that makes you feel like you're constantly playing catch-up
• Put the money you would have spent on trends into a "Things I Actually Want" fund
• Practice saying "That's not for me" without feeling the need to explain why

I've done this one

Duration: 30-45 minutes Materials: Your previous exercise results, notebook, favourite pen

The Comparisonitis Feeding Log

For the next week, we're going to track when this bothersome beast rears its ugly head. Think of it like keeping a food diary, except instead of logging biscuits, we're tracking those moments when you feel like everyone else has got their life sorted while you're still trying to figure out which way round the duvet cover goes.

Grab your favourite notebook (or that slightly crushed one you found at the bottom of your bag, we're not judging) and jot down every time you catch yourself playing the comparison game. Was it:

• When your colleague mentioned their fancy holiday while you're still deciding between Skegness and staying home?
• That moment you saw your neighbour's immaculate garden while yours looks like a jungle that's gained sentience?
• When you realised everyone at the school reunion seemed to have their life mapped out while you're still using Google Maps to find your way to Sainsbury's?

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The Reality Check Challenge

For each comparison moment you've logged, we're going to do a bit of detective work:

First, write down exactly what triggered the comparison. Was it:

• A social media post that was clearly staged (nobody's breakfast looks that good in real life)
• A casual conversation that turned into an impromptu CV presentation
• A family gathering where everyone asked about your life plans while you were just trying to reach the buffet in peace

Next, get brutally honest with yourself about what you're actually seeing.

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The Monkey's Credit Calculator

For each comparison incident, ask yourself:

• How long did you spend dwelling on it? (Be honest – including that 3 am overthinking session)
• What could you have done with that time instead? (Besides reorganising your tea cupboard for the fifth time this week)
• Did the comparison inspire you to make positive changes, or just make you feel like last week's leftover takeaway?

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Your Personal Victory Vault

Create your own highlight reel, but make it brutally honest. Include:

• Things you've achieved that genuinely matter to you (even if it's finally creating the perfect cup of tea)
• Challenges you've overcome (like that time you assembled flat-pack furniture with only minor swearing)
• Moments you're proud of (yes, successfully avoiding small talk at the bus stop counts)

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The Comparison-Free Zone

Let's set up some boundaries stricter than a British queue. Decide:

• Which social media accounts do you need to mute faster than you can say "avocado toast"?
• Which conversations do you need to redirect more smoothly than a politician avoiding a direct question?
• Which parts of your life are officially comparison-free zones (like your morning routine or your questionable taste in reality TV.)

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The Emergency Response Plan

When you feel the Comparisonitis creeping up, have these reality checks ready:

1. Remember that behind every "perfect" Instagram post is probably someone who's just as confused about life as you are (they're just better at filtering it.)
2. Consider that while you're envying someone's job/house/relationship, there's probably someone looking at your life thinking you've got it all sorted.
3. Remind yourself that success isn't a race, unless you're actually in a race, in which case, yes, you probably should pick up the pace.

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The Follow-Through

At the end of the week, look back at your log and ask yourself:

• How many of these comparisons actually motivated you to make positive changes?
• How many just made you feel like yesterday's tea?
• What could you do with all the Monkey's Credits you'd save by not feeding this?

I've done this one

Duration: 30-60 minutes Materials: Your previous exercise results, notebook, favourite pen

Let's map out all the expectations currently chugging through your mind like a steam train full of well-meaning but slightly overwhelming passengers.

Start by writing down every "should" that's been rattling around your brain lately.

Examples::

• "Should be married by now" (according to your aunt, who got married in 1975 and thinks Tinder is a type of kindling)
• "Should own a house" (preferably one that doesn't require a lottery win to afford)
• "Should have a proper career" (whatever that means in a world where being a TikTok consultant is apparently a real job)
• "Should know how to make a soufflé" (thanks, Great British Bake Off, for that completely unrealistic culinary pressure)

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Now, for each expectation currently steaming through your life, ask yourself:

• Where did this expectation come from?
  • Your family (who still think the internet is just a phase)
  • Society at large (that nebulous entity that somehow decides what's normal)
  • Your own perfectionist tendencies (your inner Monkey’s-Napping critic's greatest hits)
  • That one teacher who said you'd never amount to anything (looking at you, Mr. Thompson from Year 9)
• Is this expectation actually:
  • Realistic (like making a decent cup of tea)
  • Completely bonkers (like having a mortgage in London before 40)
  • Something you genuinely want (rather than something you think you should want)
  • A leftover from someone else's journey (like your dad's dream of you becoming an accountant)

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Let's look at those life milestones that everyone seems to think run on a stricter schedule than the Swiss railway system:

Write down all the ages by which you're "supposed" to have achieved certain things:

• The career progression timeline (from paper pusher to paper pusher with a slightly better chair)
• The relationship roadmap (from single to settled faster than a Digestive dissolves in tea)
• The property ladder climbing schedule (from renting to re-mortgaging in three easy decades)
• The personal development pathway (from chaos to enlightenment, preferably before your next birthday)

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Draw your own life map (stick figures absolutely acceptable) showing:

• Where you actually want to go (even if it's just to the sofa with a good book)
• Which milestones are Monkey’s-Worthy along the way there?
• Your preferred travel speed (supersonic isn't always better than scenic)

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Stand back from the edge (mind the gap) and consider:

• How many of these expectations actually matter to your happiness?
• Which ones are worth spending your Monkey's Credits on?
• What would happen if you just... didn't?

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Your Personal Delay Announcements

Practice making these announcements with the same authority as a railway station tannoy:

• "We regret to inform you that the marriage schedule is experiencing unexpected delays".
• "The career express is currently being redirected via an alternative route".
• "We apologise for any inconvenience caused by our failure to meet your expectations".

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Note: No actual trains were delayed in the making of this exercise, though several metaphorical ones were deliberately derailed for the greater good.

I've done this one

Duration: 5 minutes to 5 days Materials: Your previous exercise results, notebook, favourite pen

Rather than a complex month-long plan, let's tackle this with a simple, manageable approach that you can start right now. Here's how:

The 5-5-5 Method

5 Minutes

Set a timer for 5 minutes and write down:

• Which apps you check most frequently.
• What time of day you use them most.
• How you feel after using them.

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5 Days

Pick ONE of these changes to implement for just 5 days:

1. No social media before breakfast.
2. Delete your most distracting app.
3. Turn off all notifications except direct messages.
4. Only check social media at set times (lunch and dinner).
5. Unfollow/mute 5 accounts that drain your Monkey's Credit.

For the next 5 days, write down how you felt each day and any issues you confronted.

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5 Replacements

Choose 5 quick alternatives for when you feel the urge to scroll:

1. Make a cuppa.
2. Look out the window for 1 minute.
3. Send a text to an actual friend.
4. Do a quick stretch.
5. Read one page of a book.

The Only Rule

Don't try to do everything at once. Pick ONE change from the 5-day options and stick to it. After 5 days, either keep it going or try a different one.

That's it. No complex rules, no lengthy journal entries, no guilt trips. Just 5-5-5 to start reclaiming your Monkey's Credit from the scroll hole.

I've done this one

Duration: 30-60 minutes Materials: Your previous exercise results, notebook, favourite pen

Time to put on your detective hat (deerstalker optional) and start investigating these societal expectations like they're suspects in a particularly puzzling case of missing Monkey's Credits. Let’s try channelling your inner Sherlock:

Case File 1: The Career Ladder Conspiracy

Everyone says you need to be climbing the career ladder like it's some kind of corporate game of snakes and ladders. But why? Is it because:

a) You genuinely want more responsibility.

b) You enjoy the work at higher levels.

c) Someone once told you that's what success looks like.

d) You quite fancy having a slightly better chair.

If you're happy being a brilliant individual contributor rather than managing a team of people who can't seem to grasp the concept of washing up their own mugs, why change? Success doesn't always have to mean moving up, sometimes it means moving sideways, or even staying exactly where you are, like a cat that's found the perfect sunny spot.

Case File 2: The Marriage Mystery

Ah, marriage. That thing everyone starts asking about the moment you've been in a relationship longer than a series of Love Island.

But why is it seen as the only legitimate relationship goal?

Why is "living in sin" still a phrase in 2025, as if we're all characters in a Victorian novel?

Question whether marriage is actually something you want, or if it's just something you think you should want because your mum keeps leaving bridal magazines around the house with all the subtlety of a brass band in a library.

Case File 3: The Social Media Statute

We're all supposed to be building our "personal brand" online like we're some sort of human Marmite. But why?

Do you really need to be "Instagram-ready" at all times?

Is anyone actually living their "best life," or are we all just trying to make our regular lives look better through filters and carefully arranged brunch photos?

I've done this one

Duration: as much time as you can invest Materials: Your previous exercise results, notebook

Finding your tribe takes time, patience, and a willingness to try different blends until you find the right one. Here's how to go about it:

Step 1: Know Your Blend

Before you start collecting people like they're limited edition Celebrations tins, figure out what you actually want in a friendship. Are you looking for:

• People who share your passion for obscure board games?
• Fellow enthusiasts of watching paint dry (or whatever your particular hobby might be)?
• Someone who understands why you need seventeen different types of tea in your cupboard or five thousand plus books on your shelves?

Step 2: Venture Into The Wild

Meeting new people can feel about as comfortable as wearing wet socks, but it's necessary. Try:

• Joining clubs (and not just the kind that serves drinks).
• Taking classes (where "I don't know what I'm doing either" is everyone's motto).
• Volunteering (because nothing bonds people like shared confusion over how to operate a donation sorting system).

Step 3: The Trial Period

When you meet potential tribe members, give them a proper test run. Not like a job interview (please don't actually make them fill out an application form), but pay attention to:

• How you feel after spending time with them (energised or wanting to hibernate?)
• Whether they respect your boundaries or treat them like suggestions.
• If they support your goals, or treat them like items on a discount shelf.

I've done this one